DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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