I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
