the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
