Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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