im drinking this country out of the recession.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
