You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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