he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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