I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
