I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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