for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
