Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
