it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
