im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
