totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
