Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
