Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize