People in love make me want to vomit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
