Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
