it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
