Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
