I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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