So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
