im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
