true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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