he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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