If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
