I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
