The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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