I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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