You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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