he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
