You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
