guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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