my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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