dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
