Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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