evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
