He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
