she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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