We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
