You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
