How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
