she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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