pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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