Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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