Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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