I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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