If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
