fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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