someone owes me an orgasm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im part way to drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
