C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
