How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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