When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Mom said you looked used
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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