I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
