Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
