can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
