I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize