foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
