i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
