I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
