I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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