he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
