So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
