I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
