The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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