He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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