I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
