My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
