i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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