someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
