she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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