Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im part way to drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
