i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
