Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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