So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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