i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
