There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize