so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i now understand why vodka
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
