3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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