I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
