hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
