Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
