if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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